The scanlation process has stalled to a bit of a crawl, so I’ll be posting the translations I’ve done here so people can read ahead if they’d like. Scripts are posted as-is from my drafts folder, so they include alternate takes on lines I was less sure about.
Chapter Title: Star Wars
Newscaster: It’s another hot one today! If you’re going outside, take care to avoid heatstroke.
Newscaster: Continuing on, the preview for the first Star Wars movie in a decade was released today-
FX: Roll (x2)
*Chapter 4: Star Wars*
Satou: What was that!?
FX: Da Da Da Daaan <musical note>
Text: Star Wars: The Force Awakens
Machiko: We thought there would never be another one.
Machiko: It’s the first Star Wars sequel in 10 years.
Lucas: Eh? Star wars has 6 parts, I never said there were 9.
Machiko: I’m _really_ excited.
Machiko: And so I shut it down, because I’m not going to be checking any previews or spoilers.
Satou: That was going a bit far…
Machiko: You’re naive, Mizu…Satou. In the past, there was this movie whose title I’ll omit,
Machiko: which starred Robert De Niro and featured a shocking twist where he dies halfway through,
Machiko: but the marketing totally spilled the beans on said twist.
Text: College Machiko
College Machiko: Oh, he’s really dead.
Satou: That is rough…
Machiko: Listen up! Star Wars isn’t just some movie. It’s a modern legend.
Machiko: If the bible continued on, and someone spoiled it for you, how would you feel?
[Alt I: If there were a continuation to the bible, and someone ruined it for you, what would you think of that?]
Machiko: It’d be disrespectful!
[Alt I: That’d be disrespectful!]
Satou: Eh…? But if there was a continuation to the bible, then they would release it…
Machiko: My apologies. I was about to fall to the Dark Side.
Machiko: But watch your words from now on.
Satou: Uuh… What a pain.
Narration: Star Wars fans are said to outnumber Christ’s believers in this galaxy.
Machiko: Well, I have a meeting with a client today, so I’m gonna head off.
Machiko: Even I understand it’s going to be a huge pain.
Machiko: Previews don’t generally spoil things, and I watch them for other movies… But
Machiko: Star Wars is different!
Machiko: What separates Star Wars from other movies
Machiko: is that its sequels weren’t simply tacked on after its hit status was assured.
Timeline: The Star Wars Saga
Timeline: The Story’s Chronological Order
Textbox: Episode I: The Phantom Menace (1999)
Textbox: Episode II: Attack of the Clones (2002)
Textbox: Episode III: Revenge of the Sith (2005)
Textbox: The new trilogy
Textbox: Episode IV: A New Hope (1977)
Textbox: Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back (1980)
Textbox: Episode VI: Return of the Jedi (1983)
Textbox: The old trilogy
Below old trilogy box: Production Order
Textbox: Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Machiko: Rather, they were envisioned as parts of a massive saga from the outset.
Machiko: So even after the old trilogy ended
Crowd: Vader’s past
Crowd: The truth behind the Jedi’s demise
Crowd: The mysteries of the Sith
Machiko: everyone dreamed of what Star Wars legends were left untold.
Sign: College Machiko
HS Machiko: Dream
Machiko: And then, the new trilogy went into production!
Machiko: Cool mechanical designs were announced one after the other! And new characters, too!
HS Machiko: I can’t collect close to enough change!
[TL Note: The original line contains a bit of wordplay. “Zenzen Zeni ga tarimasen” repeats the same syllable 3 times consecutively, hence the alliteration.]
Machiko: Tie-in goods rained down like so much mana from heaven!
Machiko: A preview of exceptional quality!
HS Machiko: I will die! Watching a movie this cool will literally kill me!!
Machiko: And so, it came out!!
All: That wasn’t really what I expected…
FX: Cicadas chirping
Machiko: I still wonder about it, even now…
Machiko: Was I not able to get into Episodes I-III because I learned too much info beforehand
Machiko: and got frankly delusional about the kind of movie they could actually be?
Machiko: Would I have been able to enjoy them more if I had no advance knowledge
Crowd: Yay (x3)
Machiko: like I did back when I was a know-nothing kid watching IV-VI?
Machiko: So this time I want to watch it with a blank slate.
Passerby: What’s that beauty doing…?
Machiko: Even if I have to avoid all the official press releases…
Machiko: Quick Inhale
FX: Da Da Da-n <musical note>
Screen: “Star Wars: The Force Awakens” Preview
Screen: Darth Tweetwee
Screen: The new Star Wars appears to take place 30 years after the originals. The enemy may be remnants of the Empire, or perhaps a new foe.
Passenger #1: Did you see the Star Wars preview?
Passenger #2: Actually-
FX: Rattle (x2)
Passenger #3: Who was it?
Passenger #1: Who was it?
Passenger #4: Who was it?
Machiko: Now matter how many enemies there are in the modern information age, I will not fail!
Machiko: I’ll use my 30-odd years worth of spoiler-avoidance skills and survive until til’ opening night!!
Music: Da Da Da Da-n Da-n Da Da Da Da-n Dan <musical note>
Narration: The Star Wars theme
Boss: I’m sorry. I know we’re in the middle of an important meeting.
Client #1: Could it be you like Star Wars?
Boss: Y…yeah. I got really into it when I was a student.
Machiko: Hey, wait…
Boss: I barely even watch movies anymore, but this is my exception.
Gray Client: What a coincidence! Me too.
Long Client: I saw it several times in theaters myself.
Machiko: This is bad…
Boss: You are of course aware there’s a new one coming?
Gray Client: Of course! I think I’ll be visiting the theater for the first time in a while.
Long Client: Have you seen the preview?
Boss: Han Solo’s finally coming back.
Machiko: I see~… Han Solo’s coming back, that’s sweet~
FX: Drip (x3)
Machiko: Yeah, that’s just casting info, not really something you’d call a spoiler, I guess?
FX: Heart pounding (x3)
Machikos: Yeah- (x4)
Machiko: Listen to that,
Machiko: my heart is racing now that I know I’ll be reunited with Captain Solo.
Machiko: But if we reunited in the theater without my having any advanced knowledge, what then?
Machiko: This would be nothing in comparison.
[Alt I: Whishhhh]
Machiko: I would have literally pissed myself!
Machiko: Give me back my piss!
Long Client: I haven’t seen the preview yet.
Boss: We can watch on here.
Grey Client: Let’s have a look.
Machiko: If the combination of time, place, roles, and ages had been different, I could have been friends with these men.
Machiko: But now I want to turn tail and run.
Machiko: I’ll wait in the bathroom…
Machiko: Nope, we’re talking about the real-time generation here.
Machiko: I can’t think that this discussion of theirs will end after a mere 2-3 minutes.
Machiko: Then I should just hole up in a stall…
Machiko: No! I don’t want them to remember me as the woman who _couldn’t hold in her shit_ during the meeting!!
Machiko: Well… I won’t understand the english in the preview, so so long as I don’t look at the screen…
Grey Client: What’s this? “The For-”
Machiko: No text-to-voice bullcrappppp!
[Alt I: Don’t read the captionnnnssss!]
Machiko: Should I just give up and get into the conversation?
Machiko: In this modern age, where Brad Pitt can star in a summer blockbuster zombie movie,
Machiko: a woman who likes Star Wars shouldn’t be unusual… So I’ll tell them:
Imaginary Machiko: Ah, could you please stop dropping spoilers?
Machiko: Is this my first day on the job!!?
[Alt I: Am I trying to get fired!!?]
Jar Jar: Meesa can no tell left from right!
Text: Rude of the Dead!
[TL Note: This joke isn’t particularly funny, but it foreshadows a deluge of zombie humor incoming in the next chapter, which reveals Machiko as a superfan of trashy zombie movies.]
Boss: Vader’s helmet!
Boss: An X-wing!
Boss: Is he a Sith?
Machiko: Uwaaaaaah! Their conversation is giving me a really good idea of what was in the previewwwwwww!!
Machiko: No more! I don’t want to hear any more, to know any more.
Machiko: I can feel myself slipping to the dark side…
Long Client: Actually, I saw some interesting info leaked onto an American website.
Machiko: STOP, YOU FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLL!
Machiko: That’s even worse that spoilers!!
Machiko: I won’t know whether it’s true or not until the movie ends.
FX: Heart pounding (x3)
Machiko: Was that real?
Machiko: Or fake?
Machiko: I’ll be worked up over something totally unrelated to the movie!!
Machiko: I can’t hold it in anymore.
Machiko: If you leave a fan chat like this be, it can go on for double the length of War and Peace.
FX: Rumble (x3)
Narration: *A Russian movie that’s really friggin’ long.
Machiko: Yes… Let’s think creatively here, Machiko.
Machiko: I’ve never seen Star Wars before, but
Machiko: where should I start watching?
Grey Client: From Episode I.
Boss: From Episode IV.
Long Client: From Episode V.
Machiko: I’ve got you!
Machiko: That particular fanatical type of person always wants a conversation
Long Client: …
Grey Client: …
Machiko: to proceed in the direction which appeals most _to them._
Machiko: The biggest problem faced when watching Star Wars
[TL Note: Chart repeated from page 081]
Machiko: is whether watching in production order or chronological order is more fun.
Long Client: It should be V
Grey Client: Now that the 6-part saga has been completed, she should start from I.
Boss: No, no, obviously she should start from IV, right?
Long Client: V…
Boss/Grey Client: REJECTED
FX: Bicker (x3)
Machiko: Ku, ku, ku. Now, let your discussion of Star Wars bloom to your heart’s content.
Machiko: Since you’ll only be talking about the old movies!!
Narration: Fell to the Dark Side
Grey Client: What are you getting up to, pushing V? It’s baulderdash!
Long Client: V is most interesting, so it’s the best fit!
Boss: Star Wars builds up from IV!
Long Client: Nope! I isn’t interesting, and if a modern youth watched IV, they’d give u-
Grey Client: HEEEEEEYYYY! What were you trying to say just now!!?
Boss: You can’t say thatttt!!
[Alt I: If you say that, it’s the end of the discussion!!]
[Alt II: If you’re going to say that, we can’t have a conversation!!]
Machiko: Um… Everyone, please calm down.
Grey Client: THERE’S NO SUCH THING AS A BORING STAR WARS!
Grey Client: THEY’RE ALL GREAT!!
Long Client: THEN ARE YOU SAYING EWOK ADVENTURES IS GREAT!?
Boss: THAT SHOULDN’T COUNT AS STAR WARS, SHOULD IT!!?
Long Client: That’s arrogance talking. You’re both hypocrites!!
Machiko: I really _have_ seen them!
Machiko: I watched it _while tagging along_ with my brother.
Machiko: I wanted to get into the conversation, so I told a little white lie…
Machiko: So, everyone, let’s stop this and get back to work…
Boss: No can do.
FX: Roll (x2)
Grey Client: Deciding the watch order is a forever-destined topic for us Star Wars fans!
Long client: Now’s the time to settle this, and restore balance to the galaxy!
Boss: Clear the afternoon schedule!
Machiko: Old dudes!!
Machiko: Geez! It’s not my style to let my hobby get in the way of work!!
Machiko: I can’t handle these dudes.
Machiko: I shall present ye with the answer!
Machiko: If you accept it, we’re getting back to work. Understood!!?
Machiko: The answer is this: We’ll decide the order after we’ve seen Star Wars: The Force Awakens.
Machiko: And only after.
Machiko: I’m excited for the first new film in 10 years.
Grey Client: Y, yes… You’re exactly right. *cough*
Long Client: The argument will certainly shift depending on what the new ones are like.
[Alt I: The logic will shift based on what the new trilogy does.]
Boss: Ha ha ha… Well, sorry for getting so heated about it.
FX: Ha ha ha ha ha ha
Machiko: And so, peace was returned to the galaxy.
Machiko: But my battle with the spoilers has not ended.
Narration: Days remaining until the release of Star Wars: The Force Awakens…
Narration: 168 days (as of July 3rd, 2015)
Machiko: TOO LONG!!
Machiko: I’m back-
Machiko: What’s up, Mi… Satou? Got a movie you want to watch?
Satou: Hm~ Hey, Kine.
Satou: Where should I start watching Star Wars?
*Director’s Cut: Chapter 4*
Machiko: 2015 is a big year for movies! A sequel to Fast and the Furious, a sequel to Mad Max, a sequel to Avengers, a sequel to Terminator, a sequel to Jurassic Park, a sequel to Mission Impossible, a sequel to 007, and then _a sequel to Star Wars!!_
Satou: Nothing but sequels, apparently.
Machiko: Can it.
[Alt I: Shaddap.]
[Alt II: Put a sock in it.]