Kine-san no Hitori de Cinema (Chapter 4 Script)

The scanlation process has stalled to a bit of a crawl, so I’ll be posting the translations I’ve done here so people can read ahead if they’d like. Scripts are posted as-is from my drafts folder, so they include alternate takes on lines I was less sure about.

Chapter Title: Star Wars

Page: 077

Newscaster: It’s another hot one today! If you’re going outside, take care to avoid heatstroke.

Newscaster: Continuing on, the preview for the first Star Wars movie in a decade was released today-

FX: Twitch

FX: Grab

FX: Fwoof

FX: Roll (x2)
FX: Thud

FX: Aim

Page: 078

FX: Push

FX: Off

*Chapter 4: Star Wars*

Page: 079

FX: Slurp

Satou: What was that!?

Machiko: Eh?

FX: Da Da Da Daaan <musical note>

Text: Star Wars: The Force Awakens

Machiko: We thought there would never be another one.
Machiko: It’s the first Star Wars sequel in 10 years.

Lucas: Eh? Star wars has 6 parts, I never said there were 9.

Machiko: I’m _really_ excited.
Machiko: And so I shut it down, because I’m not going to be checking any previews or spoilers.

Text: OK!?

Satou: That was going a bit far…

Page: 080

Machiko: You’re naive, Mizu…Satou. In the past, there was this movie whose title I’ll omit,
Machiko: which starred Robert De Niro and featured a shocking twist where he dies halfway through,

Machiko: but the marketing totally spilled the beans on said twist.

Text: College Machiko

FX: Drained

College Machiko: Oh, he’s really dead.

Satou: That is rough…

Machiko: Listen up! Star Wars isn’t just some movie. It’s a modern legend.
Machiko: If the bible continued on, and someone spoiled it for you, how would you feel?
[Alt I: If there were a continuation to the bible, and someone ruined it for you, what would you think of that?]
Machiko: It’d be disrespectful!
[Alt I: That’d be disrespectful!]

Satou: Eh…? But if there was a continuation to the bible, then they would release it…



Machiko: My apologies. I was about to fall to the Dark Side.
Machiko: But watch your words from now on.

FX: Menacing

Satou: Uuh… What a pain.

Narration: Star Wars fans are said to outnumber Christ’s believers in this galaxy.

Page: 081

Machiko: Well, I have a meeting with a client today, so I’m gonna head off.

Satou: Gotcha-

Machiko: Even I understand it’s going to be a huge pain.

Machiko: Previews don’t generally spoil things, and I watch them for other movies… But

Machiko: Star Wars is different!

Machiko: What separates Star Wars from other movies
Machiko: is that its sequels weren’t simply tacked on after its hit status was assured.

Timeline: The Star Wars Saga
Timeline: The Story’s Chronological Order

Textbox: Episode I: The Phantom Menace (1999)
Textbox: Episode II: Attack of the Clones (2002)
Textbox: Episode III: Revenge of the Sith (2005)
Textbox: The new trilogy

Textbox: Episode IV: A New Hope (1977)
Textbox: Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back (1980)
Textbox: Episode VI: Return of the Jedi (1983)
Textbox: The old trilogy

Below old trilogy box: Production Order

Textbox: Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Textbox: ??????????

Machiko: Rather, they were envisioned as parts of a massive saga from the outset.

Page: 082

Machiko: So even after the old trilogy ended

Crowd: Vader’s past
Crowd: The truth behind the Jedi’s demise
Crowd: The mysteries of the Sith

Machiko: everyone dreamed of what Star Wars legends were left untold.

Sign: College Machiko

HS Machiko: Dream

Machiko: And then, the new trilogy went into production!

Crowd: WHOOOO!

Machiko: Cool mechanical designs were announced one after the other! And new characters, too!

HS Machiko: I can’t collect close to enough change!
[TL Note: The original line contains a bit of wordplay. “Zenzen Zeni ga tarimasen” repeats the same syllable 3 times consecutively, hence the alliteration.]

Crowd: Uhyahyahya

Machiko: Tie-in goods rained down like so much mana from heaven!

Machiko: A preview of exceptional quality!

Text: Preview

HS Machiko: I will die! Watching a movie this cool will literally kill me!!

Crowd: Hyaaaaah!

Machiko: And so, it came out!!

Page: 083

All: That wasn’t really what I expected…

FX: Cicadas chirping

Machiko: I still wonder about it, even now…
Machiko: Was I not able to get into Episodes I-III because I learned too much info beforehand

Machiko: and got frankly delusional about the kind of movie they could actually be?

Page: 084

Machiko: Would I have been able to enjoy them more if I had no advance knowledge

Crowd: Yay (x3)

Machiko: like I did back when I was a know-nothing kid watching IV-VI?

Machiko: So this time I want to watch it with a blank slate.

Passerby: What’s that beauty doing…?

Machiko: Even if I have to avoid all the official press releases…

Machiko: Quick Inhale

FX: Da Da Da-n <musical note>

Screen: “Star Wars: The Force Awakens” Preview

FX: Block

Screen: Darth Tweetwee
Screen: The new Star Wars appears to take place 30 years after the originals. The enemy may be remnants of the Empire, or perhaps a new foe.

Page: 085

Machiko: HMPH!

FX: Shove

Passenger #1: Did you see the Star Wars preview?

Passenger #2: Actually-

FX: Rattle (x2)

Machiko: THPPT

FX: Silence

Passenger #3: Who was it?
Passenger #1: Who was it?
Passenger #4: Who was it?

Machiko: Grin

Machiko: Now matter how many enemies there are in the modern information age, I will not fail!

Machiko: I’ll use my 30-odd years worth of spoiler-avoidance skills and survive until til’ opening night!!

Page: 086

Music: Da Da Da Da-n Da-n Da Da Da Da-n Dan <musical note>

Narration: The Star Wars theme

Machiko: Eh?

Machiko: B…Boss?

Boss: I’m sorry. I know we’re in the middle of an important meeting.

Client #1: Could it be you like Star Wars?

Boss: Y…yeah. I got really into it when I was a student.

Machiko: Hey, wait…

Page: 087

Boss: I barely even watch movies anymore, but this is my exception.

Gray Client: What a coincidence! Me too.

Long Client: I saw it several times in theaters myself.

Machiko: This is bad…

Boss: You are of course aware there’s a new one coming?

Gray Client: Of course! I think I’ll be visiting the theater for the first time in a while.

Long Client: Have you seen the preview?

Machiko: Sto…

Boss: Han Solo’s finally coming back.

Machiko: Guhah!

Page: 088

Machiko: I see~… Han Solo’s coming back, that’s sweet~

FX: Drip (x3)

Machiko: Yeah, that’s just casting info, not really something you’d call a spoiler, I guess?

FX: Heart pounding (x3)

Machikos: Yeah- (x4)

Machiko: Listen to that,
Machiko: my heart is racing now that I know I’ll be reunited with Captain Solo.

Machiko: But if we reunited in the theater without my having any advanced knowledge, what then?

Machiko: This would be nothing in comparison.

FX: Tinkle
[Alt I: Whishhhh]

Machiko: I would have literally pissed myself!

Machiko: Give me back my piss!

Long Client: I haven’t seen the preview yet.

Boss: We can watch on here.

Grey Client: Let’s have a look.

Machiko: If the combination of time, place, roles, and ages had been different, I could have been friends with these men.
Machiko: But now I want to turn tail and run.
Machiko: I’ll wait in the bathroom…

Page: 089

Machiko: Nope, we’re talking about the real-time generation here.

Machiko: I can’t think that this discussion of theirs will end after a mere 2-3 minutes.

Machiko: Then I should just hole up in a stall…

Machiko: No! I don’t want them to remember me as the woman who _couldn’t hold in her shit_ during the meeting!!

Machiko: Well… I won’t understand the english in the preview, so so long as I don’t look at the screen…

Grey Client: What’s this? “The For-”

FX: Flare

Machiko: No text-to-voice bullcrappppp!
[Alt I: Don’t read the captionnnnssss!]

Machiko: Should I just give up and get into the conversation?

Machiko: In this modern age, where Brad Pitt can star in a summer blockbuster zombie movie,
Machiko: a woman who likes Star Wars shouldn’t be unusual… So I’ll tell them:

Imaginary Machiko: Ah, could you please stop dropping spoilers?

Sign: Superior

Sign: Client

Sign: Client

Page: 090

Machiko: Is this my first day on the job!!?
[Alt I: Am I trying to get fired!!?]

Jar Jar: Meesa can no tell left from right!

Text: Rude of the Dead!
[TL Note: This joke isn’t particularly funny, but it foreshadows a deluge of zombie humor incoming in the next chapter, which reveals Machiko as a superfan of trashy zombie movies.]

Boss: Vader’s helmet!

Boss: An X-wing!

Boss: Is he a Sith?

Machiko: Uwaaaaaah! Their conversation is giving me a really good idea of what was in the previewwwwwww!!

Machiko: No more! I don’t want to hear any more, to know any more.

Machiko: I can feel myself slipping to the dark side…

Long Client: Actually, I saw some interesting info leaked onto an American website.


Page: 091

Machiko: That’s even worse that spoilers!!

Machiko: AAAAA

Machiko: I won’t know whether it’s true or not until the movie ends.

FX: Heart pounding (x3)

Machiko: Was that real?

Machiko: Or fake?

Machiko: I’ll be worked up over something totally unrelated to the movie!!

Machiko: I can’t hold it in anymore.
Machiko: If you leave a fan chat like this be, it can go on for double the length of War and Peace.

FX: Rumble (x3)

Narration: *A Russian movie that’s really friggin’ long.

Machiko: Yes… Let’s think creatively here, Machiko.

Machiko: Ummm…

Machiko: I’ve never seen Star Wars before, but

Machiko: where should I start watching?

Page: 092

Grey Client: From Episode I.

Boss: From Episode IV.

Long Client: From Episode V.

Machiko: I’ve got you!

Machiko: That particular fanatical type of person always wants a conversation

Long Client: …

Grey Client: …

Boss: …

Machiko: to proceed in the direction which appeals most _to them._

Page: 093

Machiko: The biggest problem faced when watching Star Wars

[TL Note: Chart repeated from page 081]

Machiko: is whether watching in production order or chronological order is more fun.

Long Client: It should be V

Grey Client: Now that the 6-part saga has been completed, she should start from I.

Boss: No, no, obviously she should start from IV, right?

Long Client: V…

Boss/Grey Client: REJECTED

FX: Bicker (x3)

Machiko: Ku, ku, ku. Now, let your discussion of Star Wars bloom to your heart’s content.

Machiko: Since you’ll only be talking about the old movies!!

Narration: Fell to the Dark Side

Page: 094


Grey Client: What are you getting up to, pushing V? It’s baulderdash!

Long Client: V is most interesting, so it’s the best fit!

Boss: Star Wars builds up from IV!

Machiko: Huh…?

Long Client: Nope! I isn’t interesting, and if a modern youth watched IV, they’d give u-

Grey Client: HEEEEEEYYYY! What were you trying to say just now!!?

Boss: You can’t say thatttt!!
[Alt I: If you say that, it’s the end of the discussion!!]
[Alt II: If you’re going to say that, we can’t have a conversation!!]

Machiko: Um… Everyone, please calm down.

Grey Client: THEY’RE ALL GREAT!!



Long Client: That’s arrogance talking. You’re both hypocrites!!

Machiko: I really _have_ seen them!

Page: 095

Machiko: I watched it _while tagging along_ with my brother.
Machiko: I wanted to get into the conversation, so I told a little white lie…

Machiko: So, everyone, let’s stop this and get back to work…

Boss: No can do.

FX: Roll (x2)

FX: Shock

Grey Client: Deciding the watch order is a forever-destined topic for us Star Wars fans!

Long client: Now’s the time to settle this, and restore balance to the galaxy!

Boss: Clear the afternoon schedule!

All: Bbbvvvnn

Machiko: Old dudes!!

Machiko: Geez! It’s not my style to let my hobby get in the way of work!!

Machiko: I can’t handle these dudes.

Machiko: I shall present ye with the answer!

Machiko: If you accept it, we’re getting back to work. Understood!!?

Page: 096

Machiko: The answer is this: We’ll decide the order after we’ve seen Star Wars: The Force Awakens.

Machiko: And only after.

Machiko: I’m excited for the first new film in 10 years.

FX: Grin

Grey Client: Y, yes… You’re exactly right. *cough*

Long Client: The argument will certainly shift depending on what the new ones are like.
[Alt I: The logic will shift based on what the new trilogy does.]

Boss: Ha ha ha… Well, sorry for getting so heated about it.

FX: Ha ha ha ha ha ha

Page: 097

Machiko: And so, peace was returned to the galaxy.

Machiko: But my battle with the spoilers has not ended.

Narration: Days remaining until the release of Star Wars: The Force Awakens…

Narration: 168 days (as of July 3rd, 2015)

Machiko: TOO LONG!!

Page: 098

FX: Shut

Machiko: I’m back-

Machiko: Oh.

Machiko: What’s up, Mi… Satou? Got a movie you want to watch?

Satou: Hm~ Hey, Kine.

Satou: Where should I start watching Star Wars?

Page: 100

*Director’s Cut: Chapter 4*

Machiko: 2015 is a big year for movies! A sequel to Fast and the Furious, a sequel to Mad Max, a sequel to Avengers, a sequel to Terminator, a sequel to Jurassic Park, a sequel to Mission Impossible, a sequel to 007, and then _a sequel to Star Wars!!_

Satou: Nothing but sequels, apparently.

Machiko: Can it.
[Alt I: Shaddap.]
[Alt II: Put a sock in it.]


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