Chapter Title: Zombie Movies
Narration: Zombie: Also known as the living dead. They are humans who have come back from the dead, but their remaining brain fuctions are close to nonexistant, and all that remains is the simple instinct to “eat”, which leads them to attack humans.
Narration: This summer, a powerful virus is spreading around the center of the city.
News Text: It is especially prevalent in the center of the city, so please take care.
Narration: Kine Machiko, has quite dramatically begun to show symptoms after catching the bug at some movie theater.
Narration: And that illness…
Narration: …is a Summer cold.
Machiko: Ng-h, ng-h
Machiko: It hurts, it’s hot-
*Chapter 5: Zombie Movies*
Satou: I’m going to work, but will you be alright, Kine? Should I take the day off too?
Machiko: It’s fine, go work your butt off…
Satou: Okay… Hey, Kine?
[TL Note: Machiko slurs her ‘nani yo’ here in a slightly frustrated fashion.]
Satou: You can’t… watch movies.
Machiko: I… I get it, I do…
Machiko: Sorry, Satou… During this mountain of vacation days the company gave me
Machiko: fearing the power and virulence of this summer cold,
Machiko: what should I become, if not a lean, mean movie-watching machine?
Narration: Day 2
Machiko: Since when did I fall asleep…?
Machiko: What’s your deal? Are you planning on assaulting me? On murdering me?
Satou: I came home last night and found you collapsed, so I’ve been nursing you since!
Satou: I had a really hard time. I carried you to your bed, wiped your sweat off, and got you changed.
Narration: Infection countermeasures
Machiko: Thank you! Thank you, for sure!!
Satou: And I told you not to watch movies, but you got so many ready…
Satou: Aren’t there too many here with titles ending in “of the Dead”?
Machiko: Those are 30 zombie movies I bought to buy and haven’t had a chance to watch yet.
Machiko: Since I was _lucky_ enough to get sick, I should take the opportunity to watch them all.
Machiko: Pant (x2)
Satou: Do you know what _lucky_ means?
Satou: Aren’t zombie movies all the same?
Machiko: HAAAAAAH!? Th, th, th, they’re different. I can’t handle your naivete.
[TL Note: In that last sentence, Machiko calls Satou a “shiroto”, or amateur/newcomer to the genre, which is paraphrased as naivete here for a slightly more coherant flow.]
Machiko: Listen up! First, when it comes to zombies, there are
Machiko: There are zombies that walk,
Machiko: and zombies
Machiko: that run.
Narration: A face that says, “That’s the second most pointless thing I’ve ever heard.”
Satou: Couldn’t they all just run?
FX: Puff (x2)
Machiko: A zombie is a walking corpse! Isn’t it weird for them to be sprinting!?
Machiko: I like that, though!!
Satou: It’s just weird for a corpse to move.
Machiko: That’s what’s scary about itttt!!
Machiko: Corpses move,
Machiko: they eat humans,
Machiko: and those eaten recall zombies.
Machiko: Isn’t it scaryyy!?
Satou: Wouldn’t they get fat after eating?
Machiko: I’ll kill you, woman!
FX: Choke (x5)
Satou: Stop it, Kine! Ouchouch.
Satou: I’m done with this. Kine, you’re sleeping. Got it?
Machiko: Uuh… If it weren’t for this fever, I could take you…
Satou: And are you making sure to use the medicine you got?
Machiko: I, I am using them… I’m fine here, so just go on ahead to work!
Machiko: It’s fine, just go!!
Narration: Day 3
Machiko: Nothing to do…
Machiko: I want to watch zombie movies…
Narration: In the past, zombies were reviled.
Machiko: Even within the genre of pure horror movies used specifically as party favors,
Guys: Let’s watch a movie together- Maybe Friday the 13th or Elm Street.
Girls: Eeek- It’s scary. Oh no- <heart mark>
Sign: Middle-school Machiko
Machiko: zombie movies were different.
Guys: Or something with zombies…
Girls: No way! Definitely not! Gross! Why don’t you invite Kine instead!!?
Machiko: Of course they were. A corpse, something absolutely nobody wants to see,
Machiko: is committing mankind’s greatest taboo, cannibalism.
Machiko: It felt so profoundly like something you shouldn’t be watching!
Machiko: Even I was repulsed by Romero’s Zombie at first.
MS Machiko: What a horrid movie. I won’t watch any further~ Definitely not~
MS Machiko: Uwah. It’s just so awful~ I can’t like a movie like this~
FX: Crunch (x3)
Machiko: By the time I realized it, I was already a zombie for that movie, reliving it in my head day-and-night. <heart mark>
MS Machiko: If the zombies come, should I head straight for the exits? No, everybody who rushes like that will get caught up and become zombies themselves.
The carnage on the first floor might buy us some time, so I guess we’d be the lucky ones-<musical note>
Those who don’t keep their cool are dead. Be heartless, Machiko.
And you don’t have friends, anyway.
I’d have to stay calm, run, and hole up in the Home Ec room.
There, I should find both provisions and weapons.
[TL Note: The Japanese specifically says “kaki”=”firearms”, but I can’t think of anything in a Home Ec room that would fit that particular description.]
And if the need arises, I can spread some flour around and set off a dust explosion…
[TL Note: A dust explosion is when a fine form of powder, such as coal dust or flour, burns rapidly. It is, interestingly enough, frequently used to produce controlled explosions in practical FX.]
Ah, that would kill me too, tee hee. <heart mark>
Crowd: Whisper (x3)
Machiko: And, naturally, I began to seek out what other interesting-looking zombie movies existed.
Machiko: My gait walking to the rental store was one of a maiden in love.
MS Machiko: Ahahah, Ufufu
Machiko: But what a thing it was.
Machiko: Excluding a notable few, most of the zombie movies this girl was smitten with
Machiko: were basically crap.
Machiko: The masterpiece that was Zombie brought forth a flood of low-budget, low-ambition imitators.
Machiko: This isn’t just my complaining, they were objectively and without dispute a pile of garbage.
MS Machiko: Zombie 3 wasn’t a Zombie sequel…
Machiko: Zombie movies were walking the one way path of decline, and my own zombie fandom was on the verge of burning itself out…
Machiko: but just when I thought it was over!
Machiko: The game Resident Evil became a huge hit!!
MS Machiko: Bro, behind you! Behind you!!
Sash: Backseat gamer
Brother: Shut up!!
Machiko: Society finally began to acnowledge the genre.
Machiko: Further, there was the Resident Evil movie, which broadened the genre to include survival action,
Machiko: and 28 Days Later, a hit featuring zombies that ran with astonishing speed,
Machiko: it was the onset of a zombie pandemic!!
Narration: A masterful zombie comedy: Shaun of the Dead
Narration: Romero’s zombies are back!: Land of the Dead
Narration: A reboot of the godly Zombie: Dawn of the Dead
Narration: All set as a regular on Sunday Western Theater: Resident Evil: Apocalypse
FX: Gah~ (x7)
Narration: Zombies vs. the army in an all-out battle: 28 Weeks Later
Narration: Shakycam is bad for the heart: REC
Narration: Zombies spawned in response to societal policies: Juan of the Dead
[Alt 1: Cuban communist zombies, satirizing their home country’s culture: Juan of the Dead]
Narration: Fun post-apocalyptic life: Zombieland
Narration: Boss Romero’s still kickin’: Diary of the Dead
Narration: Its production budget would produce several hundreds of old zombie movies: World War Z
Narration: A zombie falls in love with a human, set to cheesy pop music: Warm Bodies
Narration: Old men and zombies face off: Cockneys vs. zombies
[TL Note: The pun doesn’t translate because the English title adds a second vs., so I reworded it a little.]
Narration: Grindhouse movies are back!: Planet Terror (Grindhouse)
Narration: An actual TV series: The Walking Dead
Machiko: I want to get into a time machine and tell my younger self
Machiko: that the zombies people used to hate are now big-time pop icons.
Future Machiko: Hey, everyone’s totally fine with corpses and cannibalism now!
MS Machiko: You lie!
Machiko: This readily available supply of mold-breaking hits makes it an age of prosperity for the zombie genre!
Machiko: I can’t stay lying down. I’m watching a zombie movie!!
Machiko: Satou. Did you already go to work?
Machiko: He-y, Satou.
Note: Something came up, so I’ll be away from home for 3 days. If anything happens, call me. -Satou
Machiko: Now it’s merry movie time <musical note>
FX: Click (x3)
Machiko: That weasel swiped the battery from the remote!!
P.S. No watching movies.
Box: Mudage Solish: Pare that hair
Narration: Day 4
Machiko: Are zombie movies…
Machiko: Really just all the same!?
FX: Pant (x2)
Machiko: Really, I understood… It’s true that the number of A-grade zombie films has increased…
Machiko: But that’s only because the overall number of films in the genre has incresed. In other words…
Machiko: There’s a lot more Z-grade material out now!!
Machiko: In my opinion, no matter the genre,
Machiko: movies roughly shake out like so.
Machiko: But the zombie movie genre goes like this:
Text: The flood of low-budget, low-ambition imitators resumes, as the genre’s history repeats itself
[TL Note: This line was 50/50 between keeping the “history repeats itself” and “flood of low-budget, low-ambition imitators” lines in the original in what was, originally, a briefer line. So…]
[Alt 1: The flood of low-budget, low-ambition imitators resumes]
Machiko: Now that I’ve exhaused my supply of highly-acclaimed pictures,
FX: Pant (x3)
Machiko: it’s turned into a war of attrition, with me waiting for the next winner to pop up.
Machiko: I want to watch… _an interesting_ zombie movie!!
FX: Pant (x2)
Machiko: What I’m watching now is boring…
Machiko: I want to move along to the next one.
FX: Creep (x5)
Machiko: Quickly, quickly…
Machiko: You can’t do this, Machiko.
Machiko: That’s nothing if not blasphemy towards the makers of these flicks.
FX: Pant, wheeze, pant
Machiko: I wouldn’t be enjoying, just simply consuming!!
Machiko: To one who loves movies, such acts should be unforgiv-
FX: Wheeze, pant, wheeze
Screen: Fast Forward
FX: Blip (x3)
Satou: I’m home-
Satou: Kine, how are…
FX: GAAAAAH (x3)
Laptop Tablet Screen: 1.5 times speed
TV Screen: Fast Forward
Satou: What is this!?
Satou: Are you really watching 3 movies on your TV, laptop, and phone simultaneously!?
Satou: Are you following the plot at all?
Satou: Hey, Kine! Kine!!
FX: Shake (x2)
Machiko: I dohn’t follow any of it…
Satou: What are you even doing!? Are you stupid!!?
Satou: Uwah, you’re hot! Have you been taking-
FX: Rustle (x2)
Satou: Ah! Just like I thought, you haven’t used a single one!!
Satou: Of these.
Bag: Kine Machiko
Bag: Fever-reducing Suppositories
Bag: For anal insertion
Machiko: Th… Those things creep me out. I’ve never used them, they’re scary.
Satou: Should I do it for you?
Machiko: W-W-W-W-What are you saying!? If it’s gonna be done I’ll do it myself.
Satou: You keep saying that but it never happens!
Machiko: Stop! Don’t touch me, you beast!!
Satou: We’re both women, so it’s nothing to get embarrassed about!!
Machiko: I’m sorry, forgive me! Don’t strip my panties off!!
Machiko: STO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!
Narration: This unusually powerful summer cold has spread through Japan like a force of nature.
Narration: Schools are closing down one after the other.
Narration: Many stores have shut their doors, as well as companies and even factories…
Machiko: Yes! Yasuura was on that case, and they’re now on sick leave.
Machiko: Please postpone that meeting!
Phones: RINNNNNG (x4)
Machiko: No, Satou is not deceased!!
Satou: Moan (x2)
Narration: Became the carrier and spread the cold throughout Japan
Zombie: When you have a cold, take care not to spread it around. <musical note>
*Director’s Cut: Chapter 5*
MS Machiko: Ouch! Ouch! Ouch!
FX: Bang Bang
MS Machiko: Wrong! Wrong! Wrong!
FX: Vroom Slice
MS Machiko: Hmp!
Brother: My Playstation!!
Narration: Machiko-chan royally sucks at video games.