Chapter Title: Love Actually
[TL Note: Before we start, here are the movies listed in page 043, panel 2, and their airdates. There were a lot and some were tricky to pin down. I couldn’t get the last one at all from the 3-letter hint we got.]
Text: Sleepless in Seattle (1993)
Text: 50 First Dates (2004)
Text: When Harry Met Sally (1989)
Text: Pretty Woman (1990)
Text: The Wedding Planner (2001)
Text: Bridget Jones’ Diary (2001)
Text: The Proposal (2009)
Text: My Best Friend’s Wedding (1997)
FX: Jingle (x3)
FX: Chew (x2)
Satou: Come on!
Satou: It’s finally Christmas, we should be enjoying ourselves more!!
Machiko: Nah… We’re just two girls, there’s no point in going wild. What’s with you? It’s a little scary…
Satou: Well, up until last year I spent the holidays with my _ex-husband_…
Machiko: Ah-! I wonder if there’s anything on TV-!!
*Chapter 8: Love Actually*
Machiko: Oh! They’re showing Love Actually. <musical note>
Satou: I watched this with my ex-husband…
Machiko: That wasn’t the movie’s fault, was it!? This is a pretty good movie!!
Satou: Kine, you’ve seen this movie?
Machiko: Yeah… It’s one I like.
Satou: Even though nobody dies?
Machiko: Just how _do_ you think of me?
Narration: Love Actually
Narration: (2003, England)
Narration: A film whose opening monologue posits that “love actually is all around”, set in London on Christmas. It tells 9 love stories featuring a total of 19 men and women.
Satou: I’d think you wouldn’t watch this sort of thing,
Satou: what with you not watching Ghibli films.
Machiko: Just drop it… I do like romantic comedies.
Machiko: A man and woman with a couple of quirks in their personalities meet, and, after a lot of hemming and hawing, get their happy ending.
Machiko: It leaves you with a good feeling.
Text: Sleepless in Seattle
Text: 50 First Dates
Text: When Harry Met Sally
Text: Pretty Woman
Text: The Wedding Planner
Text: Bridget Jones’ Diary
Text: The Proposal
Text: My Best Friend’s Wedding
[TL Note: What a pain in the ass this was. Some of the movies only show 2-3 characters of Katakana. Fortunately most of them match up to notable movies. The two in brackets are guesses, with a little more weight to Pretty Woman, as that’s a movie Machiko is known to have seen and emulated (via a later chapter).]
[TL Note II: The Wedding Planner is a guess made under very little information (2 kana that are probably part of “wedding”). It could just as easily be 4 Weddings and a Funeral, but the former seems to match up more with the rest.]
Satou: Just tying the knot doesn’t guarantee a happy ending.
Machiko: CUT IT OUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!
[Alt I: STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPPP!!]
[Alt II: YOU NEED TO STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPPP!!]
Machiko: This is bad… She’s exercising her frustrations by lashing out at Christmas…
[Alt I: Whoop, danger… She’s taking her frustrations on Christmas itself…]
FX: Sulk (x3)
Machiko: What must I have done in my past life to end up in this Jingle Hell, listening to a unlucky woman cursing her fate?
[TL Note: Machiko actually makes the “Jingle Hell” pun literally.]
Machiko: Let’s not get pulled into Satou’s hell zone here,
Machiko: just happily enjoy Love Actually and have a “Silent Night, Holy Night”.
[TL Note: Machiko’s “Sei(quiet)-naru yoru” is a pun on “Sei(holy)-naru yoru”.]
Machiko: Ah, look at that. A little kid’s first love. How innocent~
Satou: Kine, when was your first love?
Machiko: In the movies? Or in real life?
Machiko: Love with the premier, huh~. Could you fall in love with the prime minister?
[TL Note: Machiko uses both “souri” and “syushou” (2 terms both meaning ‘prime minister’) here, so I write it two different ways.]
Satou: If he looked like Hugh Grant.
Machiko: That, I get.
Satou: Ah, this is the story where he falls in love with the foreign maid. Could you fall in love despite the language barrier?
Machiko: The hobby barrier is the higher one, I think-
Satou: So you do want to go out with a cinephile?
Machiko: You mean a guy like me? Nope, no way.
Satou: And there’s the adultery…
Satou: By the way, Kine
Satou: Why don’t you have a boyfriend?
Machiko: You sure do like to ask problematic questions-
Satou: Do you not need a boyfriend?
Machiko: I don’t not need one…
Satou: What about marriage?
Machiko: I would like to get married… someday.
Machiko: Right now, you could say I’m just not in the mood?
Machiko: Dating at our age is nothing if not a preamble to marriage, right?
Machiko: You find a partner, confess your love and start dating,
Machiko: and both fidget over when exactly you’ll end up having sex.
Male Wolf: Today? Will it be today?
Female Sheep: It’s fine right? It should be fine by now, right?
Machiko: You keep dating after having sex,
Machiko: you start living together, judge whether your partner’s lifestyle fits yours even though you can hardly spare the time,
Machiko: and meanwhile you keep dating while the question of whether ot not to propose looms large,
Machiko: you worry over whether the other really intends to marry, propose, then go and meet the parents,
Machiko: you pick a venue, you argue over who to invite, argue over the seating order, wring your hands until the day of the ceremony, and then fiiiinally get married.
Machiko: What a pain in the asssssssssssssssssssss.
Machiko: That’s a Lord of the Rings-grade epic adventure!
Machiko: You should understand me when I say I want to leave the adventures to Frodo and just enjoy movies in my hobbit hole!
Satou: That’s right.
Machiko: L, let’s not lose sight of ourselves here, Satou-saan…
[Alt I: L, let’s not go crazy here, Satou-saan…]
Machiko: Aren’t you going to coolly rebutt me like you always do?
Satou: But it’s exactly as you say.
Satou: I’d rather he would have given me back the time I wasted than pay me the consolation money I got…
[Alt I: He apologized to me with money, but what I really want is the time I wasted…]
FX: Pant (x2)
Machiko: She’s giving me stomach pains!!
[TL Note: This dialogue emphasizes both “stomachache” and “pain/hurts”. Emphasizing that the same way in English is awkward, and it’s a sharp interjection.]
Phone: Dingalin~g <musical note>
Screen: New Message/1
Satou: It’s from my ex-husband…
Satou: He’s asking if we could meet up now…
Machiko: Ignore it. Ignore, ignore!!
Machiko: Or maybe reply with “Drop dead!”
Satou: B, but, maybe he has an important reason…
Satou: Stop looking at me with your “I can’t believe this idiot” face!!
Machiko: You need to hurry up and learn to avoid being suckered in by that junk!
FX: Bump (x2)
Satou: I get it… I get it, but…
Satou: Just, when I think of how we might end up alone forever…
Machiko: Who’s ‘we’!? Don’t drag me into this!!
Satou: Well, if you don’t leave the house, you’ll never meet anyone. You have to take action to get anywhere!
Narration: Marriage consultation offices
Narration: Omiai parties
[TL Note: An omiai is a type of meetup between prospective singles aimed at potentially facilitating a marriage.]
Narration: Group dates
Narration: Singles parties
[TL Note: The last two are “go-kon” and “machi-kon”, respectively.” Go-kon is a common term, more info on machi-kon can be found here: http://www.japantimes.co.jp/news/2012/02/14/national/machikon-singles-parties-help-rejuvenate-local-businesses/#.WHiY531vXDM ]
Machiko: Ah- I’ll pass on that intensive stuff.
[Alt I: Ah- I’ll take a pass on that annoying biz.]
Satou: Kine, aren’t you taking the world a bit lightly?
Satou: Reality works differently than movies.
Romcom Woman: Oh, geez, what a bummer.
Romcom Man: I’m really sorry.
[TL Note: The romcom people in this picture speak in katakana with slight foreign accents.]
Satou: In most movies, the drama starts when the couple in question first meet,
Satou: but in reality, just getting to the point of that first meeting is the tricky part.
Satou: No prince on a white horse is going to come straight at you!
Machiko: I, I get that much.
Machiko: Don’t talk about me like I’m some idealistic floof-head!
[TL Note: The literal word is “meruhen-chan”, or “she who lives in fairy tales”. Floof-head was the first thing that came to mind to imply having one’s head in the clouds. This term has to come back to haunt Machiko in a couple pages, so something easily produced on subsequent pages is ideal.]
[Alt I: Don’t talk about me like I’m some idealistic daydreamer!]
Satou: I guess. You don’t really seem like you’d be after a prince anyways.
FX: Gallop (x2)
Machiko: Th… That’s right.
Satou: But you do have a vague idea of _”someone who’d be a good match”_, no?
FX: Vague (x3)
Narration: Our conversations get along fine
Narration: We’re more or less ok around each other
Narration: We kinda get each other
Narration: Don’t have particularly high expecations, so long as their lifestyle and looks are _normal_
Satou: There’s no way such a convenient person would just mosey on up to your door!
Satou: You may have your income and your hobby, and you’re enjoying each day. But you’re past Thirty, and you’re 100 percent caught in a trap.
Satou: Just like that, you’ll be in your forties!
[TL Note: The sound of opening your mouth to try and say something, except nothing comes out.]
Machiko: Shut up! I know that much!!
Satou: You really don’t get it. Wake up, floof-head, it’s already the afternoon!
Machiko: Hmph! I can’t handle people with love on the brain. Will I die without romance?
Machiko: Is marriage the only way a woman can find happiness!?
Machiko: You’ve just up and decided that unmarried people will live lives of lonely isolation like this is some Rakugo performance,
[TL Note: Rakugo is a form of comedic storytelling, where performers often take some aspect of everyday life and satirize it by taking it to an extreme.]
Machiko: and I reject that preconceived notion.
Machiko: People should be able to be what they want to be!!
Satou: Yeah, yeah, that’s right. So then, Kine,
Satou: why don’t you try imagining yourself putting on years while remaining single?
Machiko: Very well. I will continue as I have been to live a perfectly fulfilling life all the way into my golden years…
FX: Bubble (x3)
FX: BLAST, BANG BANG, BWWOOOM
Old Machiko: Ahahahahaha
Satou: As you say, people should be able to be what they want. But…
Satou: We’re being painted into a corner.
Narration: Movies, Dramas, Commercials
Satou: That to experience romance and get married is the ultimate goal of life.
Satou: And it’s not the movies. Every form of media pushes this vision onto our very souls.
Satou: Even if we understand with our heads that that’s not the case, our hearts feel the incompleteness that comes with being alone…
Satou: Even though there’s no guarantee tying the knot will make you happy.
Satou: Am I going to end up spending christmas alone until I die…?
FX: Drop (x3)
Machiko: STOP, SATOU! STOOOOOP!!
Screen: New message/ex-husband
FX: Buzzz (x2)
Satou: What should I do…?
[TL Note: Music starts playing here, syncing up with the film’s climactic airport scene.]
Machiko: Come to think of it, those 9 stories in Love Actually were all standard romances.
[Alt I: Come to think of it, those 9 stories in Love Actually weren’t all about a man and woman getting it on.]
[Alt II: Come to think of it, those 9 stories in Love Actually were all typical hetero romances.]
[TL Note: The literal expression Machiko uses here is “Iroha” which can be used in a couple ways, usually in the context of something blossoming, such as a standard hetero romance.]
Machiko: There was the prime minister, cheating, porn stars, one-sided office romance, the language barrier, one-sided feelings for his best friend’s bride, the kid’s first love, Colin’s trip to America,
Machiko: Each and every one… What was that last one? Ummm…
Machiko: THE ROCK STARRRRRR!!
Machiko: Hello, it’s me!
Machiko: Drop dead! You little shit!!
Satou: What are you doing-!?
Machiko: I said, the rock star.
Machiko: Of the 9 stories in love actually, 8 are male/female romance,
Machiko: but the last is a tale of friendship between two men.
Machiko: Okay, listen to me very carefully, and don’t misunderstand.
Machiko: I like men, I’m not your lover, and we are, of course, not married.
Machiko: And it’s not like I plan on spending every christmas with you from now on. But…To…
Machiko: Today, you have me, don’t you?
Machiko: Love actually is all around
[TL Note: Would be nice if we could leave this panel as-is from the original, as it’s the same thing said in both languages.]
[TL Note: The same sound of not being able to form words used earlier in the chapter.]
Machiko: Don’t get me wrong! I mean as a friend, as a friend!!
Satou: I, I know!
Machiko: Then stop blushing!
Satou: You’re only making it weirder by saying that!
Machiko: Haah!? I’m always the calm and collected Kine-san!
Machiko: Ah- geez. Anyways-
Narration: Merry Christmas
Chapter 8: Afterward
Machiko: It’s a little late, but here’s a christmas present from me.
Satou: What a coincidence! I bought something too.
Narration: Love Actually – Japanese Dubbed Edition
Narration: Blu-ray: 1886 yen plus tax
Narration: Seller: NBC Universal Entertainment
Narration: *Sources say it will go on sale in June of 2016.
Satou: …We were thinking the same thing.
[TL Note: The same sound of not being able to form words used earlier in the chapter, for a third time.]
Machiko: I said stop blushing! You’re making this weird! I’m letting in some air!!
[Peanut gallery comment: Liking men doesn’t make you not bisexual, which is worth pointing out because this whole thing has been terrifically gay from day 1, and the particular scene you’re referencing jokes about how gay it is, and immediately afterwards they get drunk while watching an unspecified kind of porn. If it were made in 2015, Billy Mack and Joe would have done more than hugged.]
[Peanut gallery comment: Spending christmas with the woman you share a bedroom with and telling her she has me when she gets sad. If Machiko is lying here, it would not be the first time.]